April 1, 2022

MU Students Develop Mutations Leading to Super-Human Abilities

Sam France

Around campus, there have been many cases of odd mutations happening to students. Some believe this is correlated to COVID-19, but there has been no proof for this assumption. A more reasonable connection is the meteor that recently crashed into a cornfield in a nearby farm in North Manchester. The meteor has a glowing effect to it and pulses around every 10 minutes. Many believe that this is some sort of extraterrestrial technology or some sort of disease from a far-away galaxy.

There have been reports by hundreds of students having their skin turn a rainbow-hue color and even growing scales and fur. Some athletes have developed so-called “super-human strength” overnight. In the weight room, they were able to lift extraordinary amounts of weight in every lift. The opposing football teams next year may be in trouble.

Students have also been experiencing more “superpowers” every day. “Recently stuff keeps getting stuck to my hands,” said Adin Dajic. “It’s almost like they have these microscopic claws all over them making them sticky.”

He has mixed feelings about what is happening to him. “Sometimes this strand of white fluid comes out of my wrists. They are like webs; they stick to things,” he said. “Also, I have become a lot stronger, faster, and I react to things before they even happen. That’s really strange but it will help me with soccer that’s for sure.”

Senior Jaylen Parker has also had some odd things occurring with himself. “When I get mad while I play NBA 2K, I punch my desk and recently there have been holes afterward,” he said. “I feel sharp things poke out of my fists and they retract before I can see them. I also stubbed my toe today and it didn’t even hurt, but it cracked the frame of my bed.”

First-year Devon Allen has experienced different mutations than the others. “Some parts of my skin have turned purple, rough, and kinda scaley,” he said. “There’s a bump on my head that grows every day and it’s getting pointy. There’s also a bump growing from my tailbone that is growing fast.” That is an odd combination, but some things could have an advantage. “I have also gotten taller and more built without even doing anything, so I’m happy about that,” he said with a smile.

First-year running back Cam Hovey has gotten even stronger and more ferocious. “I sometimes start to turn neon blue in different parts of my body,” he said. “It’s not just my skin, but more hair grows like fur.”

He’s feeling wary about bringing his transformation to the football field. “One time I got angry at something, and I completely transformed into this beast,” he said. “I had sharp teeth, claws, and I was completely covered in fur. I don’t know if I will be able to actually play football if this happens during a game. I would destroy everyone.”

The last student that would openly talk about their mutation is first-year Jacob Caudill. “It’s not really a mutation; it’s more of a weird and helpful ability,” he said. “If I get injured it regenerates somewhat quickly.”

Caudill learned this after he accidentally stepped on a hedgehog. “Sure it hurt, but my flesh regenerated in about a half an hour,” he said.